Where You Give Your Energy

I had just turned 40. I was feeling increasingly stagnant at VSCO and recognized the need for a change. I began discussions with leadership about my desire for greater involvement. It was straight-up politicking, with my objective being a title change to formally lead the product design team. Not doing anything meant I’d remain in my influential, but individual contributor role, yet for me, the personal challenges there had ceased.

During my series of talks, I had one notable conversation with a leader who named something I knew I was innately doing but hadn’t yet identified by name.

She put it simply: “Consider your energy here.” That struck me with an immediate jolt and a moment of clarity, as I understood what I was going to do next. She had managed to verbalize what I had intuitively sensed and had even discussed in three different speaking engagements, but without the sharpness or shape of this term: energy. She framed the question for me: whether I wanted to invest more energy into my duties at the company and if I was prepared for that level of commitment. I had some thinking to do.

A week or two later, I communicated to my manager that my tenure at the company was drawing to a close. Promptly, a friend in leadership arranged a walk and talk. We strolled through the sunny streets of Oakland. He knew about my prior discussions and was curious if there was an issue. More importantly, as a friend, he wanted to make sure I was alright.

While I was explaining my circumstances, he posed a simple yet profound question that circled back to the concept of energy: "What do you want your days to look like?"

I've always had a clear vision for my ideal day, and it's remarkably straightforward. It steers clear of any manipulative tactics for career advancement. While I'm aware I could engage in such strategies, they've never attracted me. I've been lucky enough to receive several dream job proposals over the years, but I've consistently turned them down. My days were already fulfilling—balanced. They afforded me the opportunity to look after my mental health, take care of my physical well-being, and cherish moments with my loved ones.

My pursuit of honing my craft at VSCO led to a significant imbalance in my life. I battled a rare form of eczema, a journey fraught with challenges. Jen and I faced the loss of two beloved animals, and our time together diminished. Despite these hardships, I take pride in my accomplishments there, though I always wonder if more was possible. Nonetheless, as a full-time employee, I consciously steered clear of the usual office game. I left promptly at the end of the workday, avoided mingling with those who thrived on ego, and managed to carve out space for work amidst a calendar packed with overlapping meetings.

I took the leap to join VSCO—my sole full-time role—drawn by the intriguing nature of the product, the depth of challenges and projects it offered, and the chance to collaborate with some truly exceptional individuals. Notably, two of those colleagues remain my collaborators to this day.

My priorities are straightforward: mental and physical well-being, quality time with loved ones, immersion in nature and the wider world, collaboration with genuine people, and engaging in purposeful work. At heart, I'm a simple person.

All these aspects give me energy and shape my days. The energy they require is an energy I’m willing to give.